Hi Everyone! I just wanted to take a quick moment to note that I have not yet added the links for my social media. But it is coming soon.
In the last post, I said I would talk about the healing after the final break-up. That healing started with learning to be alone… and believe it or not, LIKING IT. No, you won’t like it at first. At first, it is terrifying. I remember sitting in my overstuffed chair in my bedroom crying many days. My little Folie would always come to the rescue, jumping up in my lap and licking my tears away. He certainly had enough salt in his diet at this point.
At the time, I lived in California. My daughter had moved back to Arkansas and had asked me to mail some of her stuff to her. She had specifically asked for any music CD’s and her VHS and DVD movies. Frankly, I was happy for the project to take my mind off the ever-present heartbreak.
As I think I touched on in my last post, during my time with my ex-boyfriend, everything we did was what he wanted to do. All the foods we ate were his choice, and all the movies… well, you get the idea. I had, in the seven years I was with him, literally forgotten what I liked, what interested me and most importantly, I had forgotten who I was.
So, back to the search for my daughter’s belongings. I kept all the CD’s and movies both hers and mine in my Armoire. So, I got a box from Home Depot and began going through the now dusty hoard of media on the bottom shelves of the Armoire, putting hers in the box. And then I found it! “The Innocent Age” CD by Dan Fogelberg. He had been my favorite recording artist for many years. I had listened to each of his CD’s hundreds of times. That is not an exaggeration. So, there I was holding this CD and I turned it around to view the playlist, though I knew it by heart. And I started crying because I remembered how much I loved this CD and how much it meant to me.
I put it in my equally dusty CD player and at that point was immediately transported to a place of joy and peace. I remembered how much I loved this music and how realized how much I had missed it during the last seven years. It felt like coming home.
Looking back, six years into my singleness, I see that was the beginning of my healing and the beginning of my journey to find myself again. I began playing his music again, all the time. It was like visiting with a long lost, beloved friend. I thank God that I found that CD and the journey it began for me.
Eventually I ventured out to Barnes & Nobel, a place I had once haunted regularly, but because it was not a place my ex would have ever ventured into, we never went. That first time back, I remember taking my time, going through the aisles, touching the books like cherished love letters. And the smell of the books and coffee from the Starbucks inside the store felt like a long ago echo of a fleeting memory. You know the type of memory that is just on the tip of your mind and as soon as you start to focus on it, it runs away. But this time, I was in the store and it wasn’t just a memory anymore! It was here. It was real.
That was just the beginning. It was the beginning of damn breaking which lead to me finding myself again.
That is where I think you should start. Find something you really loved before this person came in your life. We don’t realize that they slowly take away the things we love. They want to control us and have all our attention on them. But, in my experience, we can find what they took away from us, and little by little it will come back to us. Not only that, but as you venture out trying to rediscover yourself, you will find new things that interest you. Once you find the path, you will not only find your way back to you, you will find a stronger, smarter, better you.
I will be back Wednesday with a new post. Until then, stay safe and be happy.